Four Champions and The Bird
by FishSlayer
Summary: Something is strange about the Institute of War. Were there four giant spires coming from it's rooftop before? The four champions stuck on the tops of these huge posts have no memory of how they got there, why, or what in the hell is with this vicious bird. Not sure if this can be considered crack; my first fanfic, and completely unedited. Let me know about mistakes. R & R please!
1. To the Roof

**The Institute of War**. There it stood, in all it's glory and mystery. But something was off about it, something eerily different. Four ridiculously lengthy posts towered high above the building, the rooftop being the origin from which they had sprouted. This might have been that "eerily different" thing.

Riven stood with her heels tightly pressed together in order to balance on the middle post. It was dark, and she'd just regained consciousness...standing, exactly where she was. She glanced around and saw three other uncomfortable looking figures balanced (in their own ways) on identical spires. The Exile was able to recognize them fairly quickly, and sighed at their bizarre situation just before one of the silhouettes shouted at her: "Hey! So you finally decided to wake up, deserter." Katarina sounded a bit frustrated, and more than a little angry. "What the fuck are we doing up here? What are these?! Were these damn things even HERE before?!" The Sinister Blade was balanced on one foot (her post was twice as narrow at the top than Riven's) and trying to fight a strange, strong wind that only blew on her.

"Finally. Stop complaining, Noxian, and do something about the situation you're in." Garen, the Might of Demacia, lay flat and straight as a board on top of his post. It appeared as if he'd fall if he so much as twitched a muscle. Riven found this quite amusing, but kept it to herself.

"Oh, you're right! I should just jump on down from here, just like you! You first, genius." The redheaded Noxian replied mockingly. Garen only grunted angrily in response.

The three heard a strenuous groan from the fourth post. They slowly turned their heads to look...and there, sitting on the post, was Ezreal. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, veins stuck out from his forehead, his hands were...below his bottom?

"Guys...please help me out here...this pole is really small and I can't move...and it's...it's in a really, really uncomfortable place. Please help me get down. I don't want to get speared up here for gods know what reason!" The Prodigal Explorer seemed very desperate. It dawned on the other three what he meant by "speared" almost simultaneously.

Garen gritted his teeth, Riven tried to hide a grin, and Katarina burst into cruel (but happy) laughter.

"The-haha-the pole is stu-hahaha! The pole is stuck up your ass! Bahahahahaha!"

Ezreal grimaced and shouted through clenched teeth "NO IT'S NOT! BUT IT'S GUNNA BE THERE IF I DON'T GET DOWN SOON!"

While Katarina got a hold on her laughter, Riven nodded and stated "I am the one in the easiest position to climb down. I'll help each of you down, in order of the one most in danger to the least."

"Hey, get me down first! They're both Demacian!" The redheaded Noxian shouted to the white-haired one, almost sounding as if she were making a request. Almost.

"Please! HURRY!" Ezreal strained to say.

With a deadpan expression in Katarina's direction, Riven carefully bent her knees, lowered herself while keeping her back straight, and slowly began her climb down the tall post. The other three quickly quieted as they watched with bated breath, quietly glad that the Exile had strong arms. With practically no places to grip, the posts were nearly smooth. All was quiet for several minutes.

"SCREEEE!" Claws flashed across the space in front of them, finding their mark as they slashed the red-eyed Noxian's back. She growled in surprise and pain, and hugged the post. Her crimson eyes darted around in search of the creature who attacked her.

It hovered in place (somehow) to her right, it's piercing glare meeting Riven's. It was a large, brutal looking bird, and seemed to be wearing lightweight armor of some sort. You know, the sort birds normally wear.

The three onlooking champions were shocked by this strange attacker, but all started attempting to think of ways to help keep it away from Riven. Unfortunately, none had their weapons, nor were they in a condition to help, or even move. So they watched the battle begin to play out.

The bird swiftly sped toward Riven once more, only placing a shallow slash upon the Exile's arm as she dodged lightly at the perfect moment. This did not deter the avian creature's wrath, as it flipped itself to face it's human opponent (who was gripping the post for dear life) and dived towards her. Riven was caught by surprise at the ferocity of this attack. The bird had actually dived right into Riven's torso (she'd expected it to go for her head) and began scratching and pecking wildly. Trying to cover herself from the beast's onslaught, the white haired Noxian was forced to let her arms leave the post to grab, strike and push at the bird. Her legs were now squeezed tightly as possible around the spire, keeping herself attached at all cost.

She struck the bird on the side of it's head with a backfist to the right, pushing it away from her simultaneously. It fell, twisting unnaturally as it screeched toward the rooftop below. The onlooking champions sighed in relief. But it was, of course, short-lived.

"The damn thing's coming back! What in the hell?!" Katarina shouted in disbelief and amazingly, worry. The desperation (albeit for strange reason) of their situation was not lost on any one of them. Ezreal whimpered, straining as tears squeezed from the corners of his eyes, Garen clenched his teeth and grunted in frustration, feeling like a wooden board.

Riven quickly gripped the post with her legs again, and tore her shirt over her head. Looking back after that second of blindness, she found the creature no longer there. "SHIT!" Eyes wide, she turned at the slight sound of fast beating wings to her left just a moment too late. The creature smashed into her with all it's weight and momentum, clearly trying to knock her down. As she pulled herself back up with her legs, she struck the bird with a heavy elbow attack, sending it flying away once again. Breathing hard, covered in blood and wounds, the Exile readied the shirt in her hands, keeping it to her side between herself and the post. Sure enough, the large avian beast plunged toward her again, slightly disoriented from the blows to it's head. At the very last moment, Riven enveloped the bird in her shirt, bundling the edges into both hands and gripping tightly. The animal thrashed about viciously inside the cloth, attempting to shred it's way out. Unfortunately for it, Riven smashed the bundle against the side of the spire, HARD, several times. Finally, her shirt stopped moving, and she dropped it limply to tiredly grip the post with her arms once again.

All was silent except for the Exile's heavy breathing for several moments before the other three champions were able to recover from the shock of what they'd just experienced. No one spoke.

Riven climbed to the top of Ezreal's post first, and pulled him carelessly down onto her shoulder. He was grateful, however, to have his anus clear of the threatening, pointy spire. She dropped him like a sack onto the roof when she reached it, and headed over to Katarina's post. Reaching the top, she pulled her down onto her shoulder as well. This time though, Riven's hand was gripping an interesting place as she made her way down.

"Hey...where do you think you're grabbing..?" Katarina muttered half heartedly, instilled with a new respect for the white haired warrior after witnessing the bloody battle with the bird, but Riven was carrying her down over her shoulder while gripping the redhead's butt. Of course, the only answer to her question from the blood coated Exile was a half-hearted grunt. She'd let it go, this time.

Once they reached the roof, Katarina flipped and landed on her feet skillfully before Riven could drop her. Not even glancing in her direction, the Exile continued to the final spire, her pace not slowing a bit.  
Once she reached him, Garen noticed her eyes seemed strangely distant and was about to comment on it, but he was grabbed in an unusual way as well.

"OOOWWW! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME, NOXIAN?!" The large Demacian screamed in pain, hanging over Riven's shoulder, her hand tightly gripping near the roots of his hair. She gave him no reaction, but he began to hear Katarina's laughter from below.

"FINE, I'LL CLIMB THE REST OF THE WAY MYSELF!" Garen twisted, swung and hugged the post, beginning his own climb down after rubbing his sore head.

The four champions were all finally safely standing on the rooftop. Kat, Garen, and Ezreal glanced at Riven, then looked at each other, not knowing what to say or even where to begin. The Exile only stood there, wounds and blood all over her body, expression vacant. Suddenly, that vacant expression transformed into one of intense focus and confidence, with a victorious aura to go with it.

HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO...

"Uuuhh..." Ezreal awkwardly began, but was cut short when the rooftop in front of them burst upwards and showered them with bits of stone and tile. A figure rose with a raised fist in the midst of it, dust and smoke obscuring it's features.

They stared hard, trying to see the newcomer. What they did recognize thus far shocked them. "Sona?! Wha-?" "Could she even do that before? Could she actually punch through walls and we never knew?!" "What the fuck?"

"Hm? What are you four doing up here? And why are you calling me Sona..?"

Katarina seemed to have the best hearing, as she was the first one to recognize the voice. "KAYLE?! WHAT THE HELL?! WHY DO YOU HAVE-" As the dust cleared, a few of the onlooking champions' questions were answered.

Kayle, the Judicator, was standing on the rooftop wearing Sona's clothing, hairstyle, and even had her Etwhal tucked under an arm.

All was silent on the rooftop for several moments.

Garen put his face in a palm. Ezreal looked absolutely shocked, pointing a finger at the winged woman but unable to form words. Riven scratched her head and directed her gaze toward her feet. Katarina sighed harshly, shook her head and said "What kind of perverse game is this..?"

Swift wings were heard for just a few seconds. Riven whipped her head up just as a single, bloody feather floated onto her nose. She took it, grinned, and said "We're not done yet."

"SCREEE!"


	2. The Ash

CHAPTER TWO

**Author's Note: So, thanks to reviews so far as well as getting some follows (which I didn't expect, since this was supposed to be a crack oneshot) I've decided to write maybe a few more chapters to this story. I'm sure they'll be just as insanely fun to write as the first one was, but like that one they will be completely unedited. I most likely won't fix mistakes either. Also, sorry if this chapter's a bit boring in comparison to the first. It'll get better. One more thing: WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS "QUINN AND VALOR" ALL OF A SUDDEN?! Think about it. WAT. Okay, that's all I'm saying about that. Well, here ya go. **

"Hmm…" Udyr, the Animal Spirit, stood over a table in one of the open-air courtyards of the Institute. A drawing lay on its surface, being studied closely by both him and Nidalee, the Bestial Huntress. Around said table stood Katarina, Garen, Riven, and Ezreal who were anxiously awaiting the judgment of the animal experts. "Well…" Nidalee began, brow furrowed and gaze mysterious, before turning to Udyr for the appropriate words.

Udyr looked quickly up from the drawing and fixed his eyes to the sky. In the most grave and serious tone he could muster, the beast man stated "This bird…is particularly brutal and dangerous. It's scientific name is Birdus Brutus Maximus."

The Huntress caught on quickly and made sure to not look directly into any of the others' eyes, while viciously fighting down hysterical laughter inside. In the meantime, the four questioning champions couldn't believe their ears. Though, this was for different reasons.

Garen was the first to open his mouth, a childlike light shimmering in his brown eyes "I had not the slightest idea such a bird existed! It is almost more brutal than a dragon! Demacia could use such fantastic creatures to further her great cause!"

Ezreal looked quite skeptical, but still seemed as if he could believe what Udyr had told them about the creature.

Riven was busy observing Nidalee's inner turmoil, unconsciously using her trademark 'intense stare' while making bets with herself mentally about whether the Huntress would break or not. Even cracking a smile would count. This only made it more difficult for the brown haired woman to keep up the act.

Furiously clutching her fists 'til her nails took blood from her palms, the red haired Noxian assassin's voice shook slightly as she tried so hard to keep herself calm, "You…do you expect me to actually believe this bullshit? Why don't you know about this thing? It could've killed all of us in the position we were all in!"

The beast man finally tore his eyes from the sky and fixed his gaze on Katarina. This also caught the attention of the other champions, and all was silent. "I've told you all I know. It's not as if I NORMALLY do favors for anyone. I now take my leave." They watched Udyr turn and begin striding away, when Nidalee's voice broke the silence "Sorry guys, we weren't much help. But I gotta go too. Bye." And with that, the four unfortunate champions were left to their own devices once more.

"Ugh, how did we even get into this crazy mess in the first place?" Ezreal complained, dropping his head into both hands after seating himself at the small table.

The Sinister Blade plopped into a chair on the opposite side, grumbling to herself and insulting the Explorer about having spires shoved into uncomfortable places. He groaned with shame and dropped his head completely on the surface of the table in response.

While Garen slowly took a seat as well, embarrassed at his earlier outburst, the Exile stood stock-still deep in her thoughts.

To summarize how the four progressed to their current position: When they'd finally reached the roof, Kayle had blasted out of the roof directly in front of them…wearing Sona's clothing and bearing her Etwhal. The Judicator herself hadn't realized this, and seemed absolutely shocked. She mentioned something strange going on in the Institute, and left muttering about finding "That little musical Maven…" The Noxians, Demacian, and Piltoverian (ovarian, hahaha) proceeded to get off the roof and find medical treatment. Then, they worked together to create the most accurate drawing of the beastly bird they encountered, agreeing to show Udyr and Nidalee in order to gather information on it.

"Well…it appears that whole effort was useless…" Riven quietly began, breaking out of her thoughts and seating herself at the table with the others. Even some of the most knowledgeable beings on beasts in the League were not able to identify this huge bird. And what was wrong with Kayle..?

After several moments of silence, broken only by an impatient tapping produced by Katarina's foot (they still hadn't retrieved their weapons), the red haired Noxian stood up and began walking into the Institute. "If you guys wanna starve, fine by me. I'm going to get something in my stomach." She loudly threw over her shoulder at the others. They rolled their eyes but followed, driven by an intense hunger that seemed to flare up all of a sudden. Or perhaps they just hadn't noticed 'til that moment.

Katarina came to an abrupt pause ahead of the others, which caused them to look up and around for danger. The only thing they found was that the lighting, the MAGICAL kind, appeared to be completely out as far as they could see into the Institute.

The red haired Noxian had resumed her journey toward the Mess Hall, muttering quietly to herself. Ezreal glanced at Garen, and immediately saw he was slightly reluctant to walk so easily into the Institute when there was obviously something wrong. He turned his gaze to Riven, but her expression was unreadable.

Garen grumbled and began striding quickly while loudly stating "It's best we don't get separated."

The white haired Noxian stared after the swiftly departing Crownguard for a moment, then proceeded hastily after the two ahead of her without a word.

"Ok…aaayy. Fine. Don't communicate then. That's cool." Ezreal said aloud to himself, gritting his teeth with reluctance and excitement as he also plunged into the darkness of the Institute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~….~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hay bby)

In the meantime, Kayle was having an equally confusing time trying to figure everything out, and with finding Sona. This clothing was far too embarrassing for the winged immortal, and she had the fleeting thought it didn't suit her. But she forced her priorities to the front of her mind. After all, she was deep in the Institute of War, in the dark, only knowing where she was going because of her fantastic memory of the place. She wanted badly to try to get things in order again, but she needed to get out of these unfamiliar clothes first.

At the end of a long hallway, she perceived a ray of light which shot out from the hallway to her right. She took the time to note (with a slight smirk) that Twitch, the Plague Rat was stuck head first in the wall directly in front of her before ignoring him and moving quickly toward the light source.

She found herself in an open air part of the hallway which led out into courtyards with gardens on either side. Strange thing though, was that there was an enormous mound of ash in the center of the one to the left.

Ash. A pile of ash.

Kayle's eyes bore holes into the pile with a surprisingly dead-pan expression on her face.

Ashe, the Frost Archer sat up simply from under the mound of ash as Kayle looked on.

"Surprise..!" The barbarian archer shouted unenthusiastically. Kayle was unamused. The two shared the expression.

Neither made a move for a few moments. Ashe started childishly sweeping her hands in the ash around her. "So, Kayle. You need something?"

The winged immortal jumped a bit at remembering her predicament. "Ah, that's right. I'm looking for So-"

A rope creaked above them. The two slowly dragged their glances up in synch (and slight dread), only to find…

Lee Sin, the Blind Monk, hanging halfway out a window and slightly tangled in a purple rope. He was unconscious.

"Maybe…this is a bit weirder than even I originally thought." The blonde admitted.


End file.
